To say that I have always wanted to go back would be a big fat lie. When we moved out of India I was heart broken for about two years all I wanted to do was go home, I hated where we lived (it was too quiet and too expensive) I hated school (it was a snobby Catholic girls school) and I hated that I wasn't the most popular person in school; I hated the weather (it was hot, sticky and disgusting). In short I just hated being here.
Over time as I grew accustomed to the place I gradually found myself hating it less and less and then all of a sudden I was in love with the place. I found myself loving the freedom to wear what ever I wanted, say what ever I wanted, go where ever I wanted in short do anything I set my mind to do without thinking about the social stigmas attached to a single female "running wild" (this would have been the Auntiji's expression if I was still in India).
As anyone will tell you, when I am hurt or heart broken the one thing I do is run away. No I don't want to stay and resolve it, I just want what ever "IT" is to GO AWAY. No contrary to other peoples beliefs I do not like confrontation. Nevertheless certain events conspired where I HAD to stay and FACE a difficult situation, I HAD to go through with it and see it to the bitter end. No I didn't enjoy it but I DID enjoy the feeling of loosing that monkey on my back.
This courageous act (for me) of staying and dealing with this horrible situation gave me the strength and the willingness to get back to India. India that broke my little teenage heart, India that I loved so much but was so happy to run away from. India that I was so unashamedly ready to denounce (my heritage). Mother India. I decided that enoughs enough...I had to do this, I was willing to go to get my heart broken again (as most people who had gone always said the same thing "India's gone to the dogs".
OK I thought lets see if I can do this , it cant be that hard. So I booked my ticket and hopped on two planes, my heart a flutter the whole time....
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